what is your true calling ..

My life till now has been a search for my true calling ,about finding what my heart truly desires ..

The only calmness i feel is when am in the nature , the solitude .. the magnum personality of the overbearing nature all around me ..that is the one time when i can’t listen to my thoughts ..when my mind gets captured in the moment , the numbness is quite relaxing to me. I want to travel far and wide to find such a place ..though sometimes i just find it in a very early morning when i suddenly wake up  and the whole world is sleeping .. i look out of the window , see the last glimmering stars and my mind drifts into amazement ..

Or sometimes when i’m looking at a sunset and the last glimmers of its orangey hue fades behind the far far away mountain .Sometimes even the roar of the ocean silences my thoughts .. i try to find that calmness of mind ..

In some life i may be an explorer or a dreamer .. am a dreamer now too but it’s not my dreams that am afraid of not getting fulfilled but am scared of a predictable life .. where each milestone is engraved as a life event .. where each choice is an option between what you desire and what you are actually capable of ..

Sometimes i feel .. may be am  a very very old soul like a thousand years old , incarnated in this unsettled body .. trying to find a meaning to all these ..

Is it really necessary to find your true calling ? what if i could never find it .. don’t mistake it as my sadness .it’s more than that , it’s my life’s one and only wish but then who said “life is fair” , i may never find it ..…..till then i may be an wanderer , a traveler , a dreamer , an old soul .. trying to understand what is this all about ..