When late 20s strikes , yes the biological clock clicks fast and is in a hurry to drive you into a midlife phase a term coined by some long lost people of a different era . so point is , at this time you realize some of the hard truths of life ..
I realized I can’t be a lady like others .. .. u know a lady with all manicured nails and who is a super manager of home and office both . i have no problem with such magnum personalities but just that i have realized i can’t ever be that way .. 😦 I will always be the same imperfect human , I have to let go of the hard criticism of myself which I do every night , I have to be gentle with myself .. I have to accept my parents getting old.. I still can’t take the big decisions of my life alone .. And most probably will never be able to .. I am obsessed with my weight .. I can’t ever be skinny enough to walk as a runway model (sigh ! though that was a far away dream ) I still am bad at giving directions and still confused between right and left .. I still dream of someday being someone .. But have already accepted inside my heart that am already special to someone ..
People have seen my determination , my strength .. But so do my weakness ,my restlessness ,but only the privileged one have seen me that way .. I can’t try to fit in anymore to the rising expectations .. I have to let it go ..I really need a baby in my life ,but not to suffice the growing anxiety of my loved ones ,but to really feel the warmth of motherhood .. I want to be a mother only when am intelligent and strong enough to bear one being .. I can’t cook delicious meals everyday and yes some days I may burn the tea too ..but that’s okay I guess as long as pizza centers are there 24*7 … I would feel the Mondays as shity as long as it has been in existence .. I can never be the super achiever in my office which was a dream when I was naive and just started out in the rat race .
but
I still read .. Yes I read a lot , I love napping in afternoon with the paperback at my side .., I can still live off a day only with 2,3 cups of tea and biscuits , I can still do the weird cartwheel which I accidentally learnt during my school days , I still love to paint my heart out in all sorts of things ,and shall probably do it all my life , I can be the funniest person in the whole group as I still laugh at my own silliness
..
I want to make peace with myself ,yes I really want to . I started on with life a little late ,for which I regret .. But I can’t stop once I have started understanding myself ..
I have to accept the way I am .. And it may never change in future .. It may become worse but I have to accept all these in my late 20s so that this understanding does not becomes obsolete and too late in my late 30s .hahaha , in that case another article will follow , Late 30s .. my confessions 🙂
namrataTanmay
yehzindegi 